Up To (Great) Grandma’s House We Go

This past Friday we went on a short road trip up to my grandmothers home with Lily and my mother. We had four generations all together at once!

Lily was surprisingly good on the way up, she has been starting to cut a tooth so she has been fussy for a little while know but she ended up falling asleep before we were fully out of the city! She slept until the car stopped in my grandmothers driveway so I was able to sit down and just listen to some music on my mp3 player without distraction.

While we were there my grandmother actually brought out toys that I played with as a kid, and even a barbie doll that my aunts played with when they were children! Lily loved eating the barbies feet. Throughout the day we baby proofed in sections, Lily would find the photo frames on low bookshelf’s and we would take those, then candles, and little candy bowls, it was actually like a game, how quick could Lily find something she shouldn’t have?

Showing off her new hat!

Showing off her new hat!

We shortly decided to sit out on the front deck and layed out a quilt and some toys for Lily, we sat there for awhile and then moved to my Grandmothers front garden were Lily loved looking at the flowers and trying to eat the grass, and she loved the gnomes!

We then sat down to some amazing barbecued burgers and salad with radishes and apples in it and Lily sat eating her Gerber puffs and then “chewing” on a celery stick since she doesn’t have teeth fully yet.

It was nice to see my grandmother and Lily had so much fun playing with new toys and seeing her great grandmother. She tuckered herself out and slept most of the ride home.


My First Mothers Day

It was the first Mothers day that I woke up, and I was actually being celebrated, I was along with all the other mothers around the world were being praised for all they do their daily lives to remind there children they are loved, safe, and cared for. It is the greatest experience and a rite of passage for a new mother.

It’s not the gifts or the praise, of course Lily is to small to understand what the day is for, or make any noise that could even be mistaken for “Thank you” but it was an amazing day all the same. I spent the day with my daughter imagining all the years to come, the pasta artwork, the finger paintings, the flowers picked from a garden that one was not suppose to pick. I can not wait for the long cuddles and the proud look upon her face when she hands me something homemade to say happy mothers day.

On mothers day I spent most of the day at our apartment with Lily, after Michael gave me his gift for me, a bouquet of roses. I spent the day playing with Lily, reading books, and having her play and be amazed by the light from her kid flashlight. Someone spent the day a little cranky though since she chose not to have a morning or early afternoon nap, so that was a little bump in the road.

Later that evening around supper time my father picked us up and we went back to my parents home, where we were surprised that my sister and her husband were visiting, they loving playing with Lily on the ground and she loves her aunt and uncle so that was sweet to watch, we had a great dinner then we all opened presents. My sister as of yet is not a mother (cross my fingers) but I gave her a card to let her know that when she is she will be the greatest mother in the world, she also was given an “auntie” coffee mug. My mother was given her flowers, chocolate bar and other gifts also.

My mothers flowers and favorite chocolate bar gift.

My mothers flowers and favorite chocolate bar gift.

I was amazed though at all the gifts that were given to me. I was not expecting much at all a nice gift, more flowers maybe, but I was pleasantly surprised. I was given gifts from my sister, also , “gifts from Lily” my mother says, and a gift from my parents.

My gifts for Mothers Day excluding my roses.

My gifts for Mothers Day excluding my roses.

From my sister I was given a book to read to my daughter (The Love In My Heart) and barbecue sauce which I fell in love with when we had it at her Easter Sunday supper. Gifts my mother says “Lily whispered into my ear to get these for you” where another book to read to Lily (I Love You Mommy), my first mom tea/coffee mug (and yes there is coffee in it during this photo) and the picture frame and ink to take Lily’s foot or hand prints (we did her footprint last night) and then from my mother and father I was given a new Chicken Soup For The Soul book, which I love there books so I can not wait to start reading it.

I know mothers day is not about the gifts, it’s about loving your children and spending time with your family, and it’s about realizing yourself how much you really do for your family and letting others maybe take over a few things that day and giving yourself some relaxation, even if it’s only a few minutes. I do appreciate the gifts though, I have not bought myself anything unless it’s much needed since months before Lily was born and it was nice to get things that I didn’t fully need, but wanted.

I want to say thank you to my own mother for making my first Mothers day amazing, I want to thank my sister and father and brother in law also, and Michael and I would like to thank all the other mothers out there, and I hope you also had an amazing Mothers Day.

Her First Bites

One generation to the next, My daughter was able to have her first bites of solid food this past week, and she was able to have those “bites” in the same high chair I used as a young child. The older wooden high chair will work for a little while longer but we are looking for a newer version, that also has a bigger lip on the sides so my miss messy eater won’t be able to keep pushing her Farley biscuits off the side of the tray.

I am very thankful that my mother gladly helped me with Lily’s first bites, I’ve spent months worrying and stressing over her first foods and having my mother a veteran in baby feeding be by my side helped calm my nerves.

We got Lily all set up in the high chair, letting her play with a toy for a few minutes before we started feeding just so that she would be a little more comfortable in the seat, and we then fed her, at first Lily loved it, she was grabbing for the spoon, somewhat eating what was on the spoon, of course some didn’t make it into the mouth but all over her face. Then the third bite was when things started to get a little harder, she was not opening her mouth for the spoon, and eventually gave the cutest, but most disgusted look on her face. She stopped opening her mouth and wasn’t taking in any of the food. So we finally decided that was enough for the day.

Second Bite!

Second Bite!

At first we thought it was a different texture so that might be the reason, and we moved to watering the food down a little more and feeding it to her through a bottle, she drank it up quickly. Our idea is that the spoon was part of the problem, seeing as she loves the food when drank through a bottle.

Later on while my mother and I were cooking dinner (I’m visiting my parents for the week) we decided to put Lily back in the high chair and give her a Farley biscuit. I was amazed that this biscuit was the first thing she didn’t automatically put into her mouth…of course the thing you want her to put in her mouth and “chew” she doesn’t! After breaking the biscuit in half so it was easier for her to handle she went at it, she started “chewing” bits that fell off into her mouth and when she either dropped a piece in her lap or was all finished with her piece she would bang on the high chair table until we gave her another piece.

The mess was all over, crumbs on the floor, the whole table with crumb and wet biscuit, it was all up her hands and arms, crumbs on her pants, all over the bib, on her sleeves, on top of her nose and on her cheeks close to her ears somehow, and even after taking her bib off we found some underneath were the bib was!

I’m proud of my daughter, and this amazing new milestone, her first bites went better then I expected!

Why I Wish To Co-Sleep But Cant

This post can be controversial, where I would love to hear your opinions, I DO NOT wish to have negative judgment, I will not accept it, thank you. 

These days some people hear about co-sleeping and automatically think it’s some crazy hippie fad. Honestly though if you look back in history, or even look around the world it’s more the norm to co-sleep then it is to have your child in a crib. In some place’s it’s not normal to have a crib, it’s a luxury.

When I found out I was pregnant, I started doing research, what type of parenting style did I want to give my child? I learned about tiger parenting, and the most interesting in my books, attachment parenting. I’ll write later about some things about attachment parenting, but I wish to write about one aspect that most attachment parent’s follow, co-sleeping.

Co-sleeping is the practice of babies and young children sleeping in the same bed as there parents apposed to sleeping in there own room, or own crib.

I really wanted to try co-sleeping, I thought it was a great idea, I could be close to her so I wouldn’t worry about missing her cries, I could easily comfort her, I wouldn’t really wake her up if she had gotten to sleep and then I would have to get up and put her in her crib which could wake her up, and easiest? if she woke up at night for a feed I could easily lie down and breastfeed her to sleep.

But my dreams of co-sleeping was quickly crushed. I’m not a good sleeper. I move around a lot, I kick, I throw my elbows around, I wake up sometimes thrashing from nightmares of past abuse. I’ve woken up at times and in the night really hurt Michael because I kicked so hard. I’m not the greatest sleep partner honestly. Another reason was due to all my moving around our double sized bed is just not big enough at all, plenty of bickers between me and Michael are caused by one or the other being on the other persons “side”

Amazingly even after explaining my reasoning before on my Tumblr page I got two messages telling me I’m being rude and not a true “attachment parent” if I really cared about my daughter I would sleep with her and give her the comfort of her sleeping in the same bed with warmth from both her mother and father. At first I was so shocked, and a little angry about the message’s. I’m not sleeping in the same bed with my child because I DO care about her, I’ve hurt my boyfriend sleeping with him why would I take the chance and sleep in the same bed with my daughter and have the possibility of hurting her also? I give Lily plenty of comfort during the day and while she’s awake and give her comfort in other ways while she sleeps, I hold her as she sleeps at least an hour a day before I get up to clean up our apartment so she has a clean home. And yes I’m not a full “attachment parent” but I try to give as much as I can in that form of parenting style, I use a baby carrier as much as possible (I’m sorry but i’m not going to walk to a grocery store to buy $50 worth of groceries and try to carry her and carry the groceries myself) and I breastfeed as much as I possibly can without forcing myself through pain, or not giving her enough food (My supply has run lower at times)

So yes I dream of co-sleeping and following the way of attachment parenting but I’m a mother, I have to take care of my child, not conform to a strict way of parenting. I do my best and I choose that it is not safe for my child to sleep in MY bed, yes other’s are lucky enough to be able to co-sleep, but I’m not a mother that is lucky enough in that aspect, but I give my daughter more in return to make up for it.

Do you co-sleep? What are your opinions on co-sleeping? 

Lily’s First Shots

Your babies first shots can be a hard time on a parent. Watching your little one cry out as they have one shot, and knowing that another shot is coming again in mere seconds makes it hard to take.

Lily did cry, she let out a few loud shrills of pain but was able to quite down quicker then I thought she would and actually slept the whole drive home. But getting to that point might have been painful for her, but it was also painful for me to see.

My anxiety began last night as I tried to go to sleep, I was afraid somehow Lily would get an infection from the needle wound, I was afraid she would get a fever, I was afraid she would be crying all day and I was afraid I would somehow end up being overwhelmed and not able to handle her crying. In short, I was anxious, and wasn’t able to have a good night sleep because of worrying.

I did though tell myself I need to be strong, my daughter needs me to comfort her, and on top of that I need to understand that no matter what Lily needed these shots, if not she would be in more pain and distress later on possibly if she didn’t get the medicine she needed know. I needed to stay strong, yes I saw that my daughter bled a little today and it scared me because I really do not like seeing her blood because I know that means she’s in pain, and I did not  like hearing that high pitched wail and it pulled on my heartstrings, but I knew that she needed this medicine, and in all honesty Lily is doing ok, she’s currently sleeping and hasn’t fussed since the doctors office.

Baby Puke and Other Initiations Into Motherhood

Holding my daughter just after a clean diaper change, she had just finished feeding and was now quite and slowly shutting her eyes, as I sit down to hold her and rock her to sleep she stares up at me, a perfect moment…that is until shes close to my face and ends up vomiting all over my hair, my shirt, my sweater and all over her own clothes, I move slightly freaking out since I’m still not use to her getting sick and that’s when it happens, projectile vomit, an arch of baby puke landing all over the pants I just changed into an hour before..all I could think or say was “Oh My God, Oh My God!” Quickly I calmed down, bathed her, finally changed my clothes that know were freezing cold puke all over (and I mean completely soaked) and got her to sleep.

My baby projectile vomiting all over me is just another “Initiation” into motherhood. I’ve already completed a few more, and/or “achievements” of motherhood.

  • Being pooped on while changing a diaper
  • Being pooped on while just simply sitting down rocking Lily (somehow the poop seeped out of her diaper and all over my pants)
  • Peed on while changing a diaper
  • Breastfeeding while gritting my teeth in pain due to cracked nipples
  • Being kicked while trying to fall asleep next to my baby
  • Being able to eat a chicken wing one handed while holding Lily
  • Cooking dinner while a fussy baby is crying and not burning dinner.
  • Doing laundry downstairs in our apartments laundry room with Lily in her baby carrier
  • Able to finally take that photo of her smiling which I had been trying to get unsuccessfully for a month.

and many more, but there are so many things I still get to look forward to…

  • Going grocery shopping with Lily in the carrier
  • My first mothers day
  • My daughters first Christmas
  • Cleaning up a messy daughter after she starts to eat baby food
  • Cleaning up millions of toys
  • Running after Lily as she crawls into a place she shouldn’t be
  • Running after her when she goes to eat something she shouldn’t be trying to eat.

Some of the things might sound exhausting or un-important, but to a new mother, or any mother these things are the biggest achievements and even though being vomited on isn’t the funnest of things it also makes me happy, because it proves that I can be a good mother since I instinctively knew what to do so quickly and only had a quick freak out.

Have you been initiated into motherhood? what were your experiences?