By no means was I tiny before I found out I was pregnant, but weight was one of the biggest struggles during this pregnancy, and will stay a big struggle after this pregnancy. What my readers will not know is that just two weeks before I saw those two positive pink lines on that pregnancy test, I was finally diagnosed with an eating disorder, after struggling with one in some shape or form since childhood. Be it binging, purging, restricting my diet, over exercising, counting calories, in some shape or form since before I was a pre-teen I have had issues with my weight and I have negatively dealt with me thinking I had those issues.
I ended up gaining more weight then normal quickly during this pregnancy then average due to the fact that before I found out I was pregnant I was barely eating one full meal a day, and was always purging that meal also. I was taking as much natural sources of metabolism boosters, and I was only drinking zero calorie pops and water. Going from one meal a day, to three meals a day, and after awhile allowing myself a snack also, and allowing myself to drink things that contained calories was a shock to my body, and made me (I believe) balloon rapidly. Even though I gained more at the beginning of my pregnancy I am still below the allowed healthy weight gain during pregnancy (the amount of weight gain that you can gain during pregnancy and it still be refereed to as “healthy”) and only have little over a month to go!
Of course I have been struggling with the weight gain, physically and mentally. I have not been this high weight ever in my life, and my body has been having issues dealing with the weight gain, my biggest issue is repeatedly pulling muscles either in my back or around my hips, and I sadly have had my knees buckle a few times while walking.
Mentally it has been hard because of my years of untreated mental negativity to my weight. (By no means do I believe one is not beautiful at any weight, whatever you weigh I think someone is beautiful, but my mind gives ME different criteria for me to be beautiful) Honestly I have had times where I want to just not eat that day, days I want to go and spend more then a couple of hours on the elliptical, days I want to purge, but I have stopped myself. Having this child has helped me remember I have to feed my baby, I have to remember that I must give this baby the nutrients it needs to grow and be healthy once it is born. I have had issues the past couple of months of having nutrients go not just to the baby but still have some left for myself but I have been working towards mentally learning that and remembering that daily.
I know I will be having issues with this weight gain after birth. I’ve found recovery easy because I have a constant reminder to eat, to give baby nutrients, and I must remember that the only way I am able to breastfeed is if I give my body enough nutrients to produce milk. Luckily because I finally opened up about my fear of recovery after birth I will be able to see a dietician regularly for the rest of the pregnancy and after the birth, which will be a support that I have needed for years, and I am finally relieved to have that support.
Have you had struggles with weight gain during pregnancy? was it mental struggles or physical?