I’m Alive With Your Help

Michael visiting me during my December admissions

Michael visiting me during my December admissions

Most people reading this blog might not know a lot of my past. This isn’t my first WordPress blog, that first blog was Diminish The Stigma, a blog I started to express myself and the biggest part of my life up until I found out I was pregnant, my mental health. I do not wish to bring that part of my life into this blog due to me feeling like that negative aspect of my life is controlled know, after years of recovery, outpatient programs and multiple times as an inpatient on psych wards, but today marks a big anniversary for my mental health, at 3 am Sunday the eighth 2012 was my last suicide attempt, and a big part that helped me recover and not attempt again was and still is Michael.

While I was a patient in my local hospitals psychiatric ward, January 2012 I met Michael. I was a patient on the psych ward and that did not scare or worry him at all, knowing that he could accept that part of my life whole heartily calmed my nerves, he accepted my past, my triggers, accepted my mental health issues and everything I have gone through in the past.

Michael has proved to me time and time again that he cares about me, and takes me with all my mental health issues, and will be there for me no matter what. July 8th 2012 I attempted suicide (my last attempt) Michael and I were having some issues in our relationship and I had not spoken to him in over a week, (This was not the reason for my suicide attempt just to let readers know) and I have no clue how Michael found out I had attempted, but a day later he showed up at the hospital after walking two hours straight to see me. He held me close, he tried to make me laugh, and he just held my hand like I needed him to. Michael has been there for me through all three of my admissions during 2012, he has bought me gifts while I was inpatient to help cheer me up, and written me love letters to hand on my walls, or to simply just hold onto close to my heart.

61e48d2c4d42ac272065371b93bbd64bMichael I can tell you has helped me out of hospital also. Michael has held my hand while eating due to my eating disorder issues, he has hidden all the razors and sharp objects in our apartment before so that I could not harm myself, and last year when I did harm myself and he found out he would clean, bandage and then kiss my harmed areas (kiss the bandaid or next to the cut, sanitary don’t worry) he has held me when I just needed to cry, and celebrated with me for my anniversaries of the last time I have harmed, and celebrated when I finally finished outpatient programs.

Michael has helped me recover also by giving me reasons to live, he has given me a great place to call home, he makes me laugh every day, will tickle me when i’m angry at him just because he know I will crack a smile, he will cook with me when he knows i’m just a little to stressed, he will make me a bath and light candles for me, he will bring our cat Kier over to cuddle me when I need a little smile, and he will simply make me a cup of tea when I need something to relax.

Most of all, even though unplanned Michael gave me this little blessing, our baby, he gave me the family I have dreamed of for years, he has given me the ability to be a stay at home mom just like I have dreamed of being since I was a little girl. He has proven to me that I can take care of a little child and I will be a great mother, even if I have a bad mental health past, I am doing amazing know and I can handle the stress and the joys of motherhood, and I deserve them!

Thank you Michael for keeping me happy day after day,thank you for giving us this blessing I still hold in me, and thank you for being my rock when I need you to be.

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